Six Sigma Jokes

Six Sigma Jokes
And Related Quality Puns
The following quality jokes have meaning in the method/tool referred to in the story. The jokes were found on the following URL: http://elsmar.com/forums/showthread.php?t=14131.

While the authors are unknown, please credit the site if used in your organizations.

Our use in the discussion board is to support your sharing of the meaning and understanding of the “joke”. The 25“jokes” are itemized A-I with containing puns which are also considered jokes for our use. Enjoy..
A. 3 statisticians go deer hunting. They creep out through the brush and find a good place to hunker down.

Soon, a big buck walks up and the first statistician hops up and shoots! Misses 10 feet to the right.

The second statistician hops up and shoots, missing 10 feet to the left!

The third statistician jumps up and yells, “We got him!”
B. Why did the psychiatrist finally give up on trying to help the Six Sigma Black Belts?

They kept regressing.
C. Q: How many Black Belts does it take to change a light bulb?

A: It doesn’t matter. By the time the team completed the Cpk, CTQ, R&R, QFD, DOE, 5S and SPC, it was daytime again and the customer didn’t need the light bulb any more.
D. Q: What type of control chart do you use for tracking drug testing that uses urine samples?

A: p Chart.
E. Q: What did the Black Belt say when people complained of the intermittent stench emitted from the wastewater treatment facility?

A: Shift happens!
F. Q: A forensics expert walks into a room with a bunch of dead Six Sigma Black Belts who show no visible signs of injury. What’s the first thing he should check for?

A: Poisson distribution.
G. A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust clouds towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Bans and a YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the shepherd, “If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?” The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his flock and calmly answered “Sure”.

The yuppie parks his car, whipped out his notebook and connected it to a cell phone, the surfed to a NASA page on the net, where he called up a GPS navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he printed up a 150-page report on his hi-tech miniature printer, turned to the shepherd and said, “You have exactly 1586 sheep.”

“That’s correct, take one of the sheep.” Said the shepherd. He watched the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his car. Then the shepherd says: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my sheep?” “Ok, why not” answered the young man.

“Clearly you are a Six Sigma Black Belt.” Said the shepherd. “That’s correct, but how did you guess that.” Said the yuppie

“No guessing required,” answered the shepherd. “ You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don’t know crap about my business. Now give me back my dog.”
H. My classic “stranger in a strange land” joke was about the Texan who migrated to Alaska because he couldn’t stand the shame of being from the second biggest state. Told by natives that the only way he could become a true Alaskan was to drink a quart of moonshine whiskey, wrestle a grizzly bear, and make love to an Indian woman all in the same night, he promptly downed a quart of whiskey and went out into the woods.

An hour later, he came back all scratched up and horribly mauled and said, “OK! Where’s that Indian woman I’m supposed to wrestle!”
I. “Five whys”. That’s nothing. My 6 year old has that beat.

I saw a homeless SPC coordinator on the street corner collecting data.

I took a hypothesis test. I can only assume I passed it.

If you work at a place that makes reject tags, how do you identify the bad ones?

My decision tree and fault tree got together and decided it was my fault.

I think the perfect job is being an inspector at the jean companies. You can’t lose.

The economy really hurt the upholstery business. But they’re recovering.

They were doing nondestructive testing on bombs. What if they pass?

This guy with Progeria does all of our accelerated life testing. That’s just wrong.

This girl with anorexia runs the Lean group. Her motto is “when in doubt, throw it up”.

We build time machines. On time delivery is no problem.

We have six sigma black suspenders. They keep us in suspense.

I did some reverse engineering. When I finished I had a blank sheet of paper.

I was attacked by an SPC chart. It was out of control.

I worked as a salesman for a company that made “bills of goods”. Nobody ever believes me.

If pest control technicians kill pests, what do quality control technicians do?

Instead of making the place leaner, we put up those circus mirrors. Now it just looks leaner.

It’s kind of ironic that in Deming’s last days he could only eat instant pudding.

They have a support group now for dependent variables.

We train amnesiacs. For fun we start off going around the room asking their names and what they do.

Basic dimensions: I have no tolerance for them.

I worked for a company that manufactured waste. We introduced Lean. Now they’re closed.

Our goal is to remove 10 numerical goals by the end of the month

 
The circus was told by a consultant to do fool-proofing. They sprayed the tents. The clowns ran off.

They put up a sign at NASCAR saying , “Do it right the first time”. Big mistake.
The sum of anecdotes is not data. -Roger Brinner